A MATTER OF "TRUST"

If my past medical experiences have taught me anything, I would be best off to ignore the doctors prognosis. Every time I have gotten a doom and gloom prognosis it has thrown me into a tailspin. It was no different, when several weeks ago a physician told me that I only had a short time to live…my cancer had spread and surgery was no longer an option. I need surgery to survive this disease and for a couple of weeks I fell into depression. I didn't trust my faith and I didn't bend over, grab that root and growl. I failed myself by not trusting my instincts and I should have, because trust has always been a great ally of mine, as you will see…

The "Grandma Mafia" trial was national media news. Television trucks from all the national and local networks were parked in front of the Federal District Courthouse in Los Angeles. I testified for 10 grueling days in that trial and the "Grandma Mafia" case became a featured segment on the television news show 20/20.

Needless say it was that undercover role that launched my government career in a new direction. My work had caught the attention of important people in Washington and undercover program managers from around the various regions of the United States. It wasn't long before I received a request for assignment from Gene, the Southwest Region’s Undercover Program Manager. Imagine that, they had a money launderer in Dallas…I only thought those people existed in Miami and Los Angeles...just kidding, but little did I know that working in Texas would become a life-changing experience, and all for the better.

Gene was the first person I met when I arrived in Dallas and the first thing we did was go to a bar. Going to a bar for a little “truth serum” parlay was his way of finding out if I had "the right stuff" for his Texas style undercover assignments. How do you not have an affinity for a guy that refers to his Italian wife as "The Dego", has a basset hound named Beaux, and places his football bets with a Louisiana bookie, who just happens to be his mother! It’s the truth, I swear!

To get the full picture for what I was in for, you have to understand that Gene worked directly for Glenn. Glenn was the Assistant Regional Commissioner (ARC) for the Southwest Region. Glenn was the number one honcho in the Southwest and his badge, numbered "1", said it all. Hell, my badge number was four digits long. Glenn's closest friends referred to him as "His Arcship". Glenn drove the government "Arcmobile" and talked on his mobile "Arcphone". Glenn's cattle  ranch was in the metropolis of Maypearl, Texas, population closer to zero than a thousand. To me, Glenn was living proof that everything was bigger, grander and more ostentatious in Texas. His swimming pool was designed in the exact shape of our Federal badge. Of course he had the number "1" tiled in the plaster at the shallow end of the pool. Who has a urinal installed in the ranch house powder room…Glenn did.  I felt like pearl handled six-guns were required wear when you walked up to his bar. Glenn was quick to boast that the back bar cabinetry was made from a favorite headboard of one of his beds…if furniture could only talk!

I had Sunday BBQ with Glenn at that fine cattle ranch and were often joined by Gene and "The Dego" and Beaux. It was all great Southern hospitality but it was also their way of getting to know me. If they were going to invest in my so-called undercover talents they also needed to know if they could trust me.

The Southwest was a whole new culture for me. It was a laid-back, line dancing, Texas two-stepping fun time in my life. Gene and Glenn came to trust my judgment, so they always had my back. They reduced my stress level and most of all it made my work fun.

I knew I had their full trust and confidence, when one day Gene said, "Ralphie always puts the bread on the table". I went on to work undercover on a number of cases in Dallas, Houston and San Antonio. Throw in a case in El Paso, Corpus Christie and a couple in New Orleans...Hell, seemed like I spent a career working for those good old boys in the Southwest.

I was very fortunate and made a number of very good friends while working in Texas. But there was no better friend than Tucker. Tuck was also an undercover agent working for Gene. He had his own little ranch in Maypearl where he raised thoroughbred horses. Undercover agents are meant to fool people. They come in all shapes and sizes and Tuck was no exception. He had blacksmith’s hands, with big bones, thick fingers and an iron grip. If you went to his ranch you might see him wearing chaps and shoeing horses…but when Tuck worked undercover, he wore monogrammed everything! His shirts, ties, socks and underwear...I mean everything was monogrammed. Hey what can I say, undercover agents are quirky.

In his day Tuck could drink, gamble and line dance with the best of 'em. That was the undercover Tucker…but that wasn't what Tucker was about. The real Tucker is a gentle soul and a deeply religious Christian.  We met in the middle 80s and  remain very good friends to this day. Tuck has seen me through my battle with throat cancer and this current malady that I face. Tuck and his prayer group pray for me daily and I believe that those prayers and the prayers of many others have gotten me through my illnesses. I trust Tuck when he tells me that I will prevail.

Over the years, many people placed a lot of trust in me. Just like Glenn and Gene, many other government officials risked plenty when they supported me in high-risk undercover operations. Ending up in the funny papers was never an option for government executives.

This past week I had a CT scan. The scan showed that my chemotherapy treatments have moved things in the right direction. There was regression of the cancer in my liver and some positive regression of the tumor in my pancreas. This is a far cry from the news I received a few weeks ago. I have a wonderful pancreatic surgeon at the City of Hope that I have placed my trust and faith in. He went over my scan with me and he has not ruled out the future possibility of doing surgery. My surgeon and I are on this journey together and when he says the time is right, I trust in him that he will give me his best shot.

I am not a hard read. I’m sure by now you know that trust has played a major roll in my life. I have been fortunate throughout my life to trust the right people and circumvent those that were not so trustworthy. It is now my time to trust again. Trust those that pray for me, that their prayers will be answered…but most of all, when the going gets tough, you all can trust that I will bend over, grab a root and growl.

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